


Rage against the dying of the light

by mrsmiawallace88



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-05 03:23:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5359283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrsmiawallace88/pseuds/mrsmiawallace88
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable. And soon enough two souls learn that love that we cannot have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest, and feels the strongest. A story of family, love and death - in times of ice and fire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first Game of Thrones based story. I know this pairing is highly unusual, but I am quite a fan of Ser Thorne and there is no fanfiction for him out there yet. That's why I made it my mission to write this story. The idea grew more and more over the past months and I finally found time to start it!
> 
> If you enjoy it, please feel free to leave a review. If this is not your cup of tea, that is fine as long as you are not rude and leave constructive criticism. And if you don't have anything nice to say...just don't say anything ;)
> 
> And with that being said: I hope you like it!

_"Do you really have to leave?"_

That was the question that deeply grieved him the most while he led his black horse through the thick and gloomy woods, following his two brothers. They were not blood related though and even after saying the words and taking the black ten years ago, his mind ever so often wandered back to his real family. His mother who had weeped so terribly and his father who had given him that stone cold look as a silent treatment. They did not understand and he highly doubt they ever would if only he'd get the chance to return to them and beg their forgiveness. And then there was his sister. When he had left she had been only ten and undoubtebly didn't seem to understand that this was a goodbye forever.

"Hurry up, Arik!" Ser Waymar Royce called from the front of their group. Arik spurred his horse to catch up with them. Snow blew away under the animal's hooves.

"We should stay together until Will returns," Gared said once he caught up with him. The wind tugged at their leather and fur clothes which looked battered from hard usage the past years. All of them wore the black of the Night's Watch, but Ser Waymar Royce still looked more regal than the rest of them. His supple coat of gleaming black ringmail and his lush sable cloak made him appear older than he actually was.

 _"Yes, I really have to leave,"_ Arik had replied to his sister,  _"Taking the black was mercy from the judge. Otherwise, they might have cut off my hand. And you don't want that, right? 'Cause without a hand I couldn't do that,"_  he had grabbed her hands and turned around in circles. He remembered her short legs lifting up from the ground while her beautiful honey-coloured hair waved in the wind and her amber-coloured eyes glimmered with glee. Her merry laughter still rang in his ears years later. He had promised her to write a letter at least once a month and he had kept his promise throughout those ten years. She never wrote back though. But that was fine. It was what he had told her. He had explained to her that he had to give up his actual family. Once a month he had managed to snuck into the rookery and sent a raven home.

Suddenly they stopped as Will came riding towards them. "The Wildlings are all dead. We should start back."

Arik took his water skin and handed it to him. Will drank eagerly and saw the thoughtful look on Royce's face.

"Any blood?"

He shook his head and handed the skin back to Arik. "Not that I saw."

Royce scratched his chin. "And how close did you get?"

"Close enough to see they were dead,"he replied. His breath steamed in the cold, harsh air.

"Or sleeping?" It was evident that Ser Waymar was still skeptical. Arik and Gared exchanged a quick glance before Arik said,

"If Will says they are dead, they are dead. We should head back to the Wall."

Royce smiled lightly. "Do the dead frighten you?"

"Mormont said we should track'em. We tracked'em. They won't trouble us no more," Gared said to give points to Arik's and Will's words.

After another moment of heavy silence, Royce turned his horse again much to everyone's displeasure. "And you don't think Mormont will ask us how they died?"

Night fell upon them once they reached the Wildling camp. Moonlight lit the clearing and Arik kicked the ashes of the firepit while they examined the camp which was empty much to Will's and everyone's concern.

"Your dead men seem to have moved camp," Ser Royce said with a dark look on his face while he tried to calm his horse which seemed to be spooked by something just like the other geldings.

"But—they were here. They were right here and dead!" Will exclaimed confused and strode along the camp. "They were here—"he mumbled again.

Arik knelt down after he kicked the ashes and picked up the hilt of a steel longsword. He frowned and examined it, realizing that the blade had been shattered into thousands of pieces that covered the snowy ground. Will saw him and pulled him up again, fear clearly written on his face. Suddenly they heard Gared,

"We have to move. Now!"

But it was already too late. With a loud neigh Will's horse bolted, Ser Royce's horse reared back on its hind legs. He dropped to the ground and with horror they watched the horse following the other into the woods and vanishing between the trees.

"What's happening?" Arik whispered and saw Will staring into the distance with a terrified look on his face. Slowly he turned his head into the direction as well and retreated until his back hit a nearby tree. His heart pumped faster in his chest while he stared at the shadow emerging from the forest.

 _"_ Stay where you are!" Ser Royce's voice cracked as he saw the figure approaching them with a cold expression. Everything about that creature was cold. Its armor appeared to be carved from ice, the sword in its hand looked translucent, its flesh pale as milk. Royce drew his own sword with trembling hands while the others did the same. Arik stared at the tall figure, right into its blue eyes which burned like ice. He averted his gaze and shifted away from the tree and stepped next to Will.

Gared could not control his horse any longer and it bolted with him. "There are more. They are everywhere," Will whispered and just now they saw that they were circled. This would be their end. And all Arik could think about was his little sister. He lifted his sword and prepared to fight. He might not survive, but at least he'd die fighting.

_For you, Aemilia._


	2. The Note

_The man clad in black walked silently on the Wall, patrolling like every other day. This night was particularly cold and snow covered his hazel hair. As he warmed his hands at the fire pit a black raven suddenly swooped over his head and circled for a moment before the bird landed on a wooden pole. The young man blinked surprised and stepped a bit closer to the bird when all of a sudden it let out a loud cry which sounded so unlike a raven and more of a falcon or eagle._

_That was when he saw it. A large avalanche of ice and snow creeping closer to the Wall. He stepped closer to the edge and squinted his eyes and with horror realized that this was not snow. Not at all. Walkers. Those were White Walkers and they would attack. It was just a matter of minutes until they would climb up the Wall or break through the gate. Nothing could stop them and he knew that. The Starks had always warned and now it was there. Winter had come. He quickly turned and shouted,_

_"We're under attack! Light the signal and secure the gates!"_

_Before he reached the beacon he stopped and stared at the tall creature in front of him. Where did it come from? Its skin looked pale and covered with ice. It's blue eyes burned like fire and he averted his gaze. The creature reached out and touched his cheek. His eyes grew wide in terror. It took only a mere second before it ended._

_And what once was green turned into an icy blue._

* * *

"No!"

Aemilia sat up with a start. Her heart pumped rapidly in her chest, her skin covered by sweat and gooseflesh as she panted heavily.  _Just a dream. This was just a dream._  She said over and over again in her mind in an attempt to calm down again. Her throat felt dry and so she swung her slender legs over the edge of her bed and poured water into a cup standing on her night-table. She emptied it in one swig and bumped the cup back on the table. A shiver shook her body and she grabbed her nightgown and put it on before she got up.

A pale, full moon shone through the window while she stared outside. With her arms hugging herself a bit, she sighed heavily and turned away from the window again. Two moons had passed since the last raven had come from the Wall. She told herself that maybe her brother Arik was too busy to continue writing her, but then again it was so unusual. If he couldn't write her anymore he might have said so in his last letter. But he had promised to write again, just like he did the past ten years. When there was no letter two moons ago she was just lightly worried and thought that he might have forgotten or had no raven available at that time. But when there was no letter another month later again she started to worry a lot. She talked to her mother about it, but she was no great help at all.

_"Probably he died."_

What kind of mother would say such a thing about her firstborn son as if it wouldn't affect her at all. Aemilia had even thought about talking with her father, but that was not an option. Her father had stopped talking about Arik ever since Lord Stark had sentenced him to go to the Wall. Aemilia had been devastated on the day when he left Winterfell, but the older she got the more she understood that a blacksmith apprentice with only one hand was useless. Her brother might have never been able to work again. Going to the Wall and dying for protecting Westeros and its people from the Wildlings and whatever other threats might lurk on the other side of it sounded more like mercy.

She knew that she couldn't find any sleep this night anyway and decided to practise a bit with her bow which she was hiding in a chest under her bed. Her mother didn't like it at all that she was so much into fighting. If it was up to her mother, Aemilia should wear pretty dresses and keep her hair neat and perfect as if that would make any difference that her family was not noble at all. Her father worked as a carpenter with his own little workshop while her mother was a servant woman for the Stark family. The only time Aemilia gave in to her mother's pleading of doing something useful was when she took needlework lessons. She could stitch a few things, but never really learned it at all. Now, with being twenty, her mother gave up on her as it seemed.

_You will never find a suitable husband if you act like that._

Her mother's voice echoed in her head while she put on her black pants. Her cream-coloured undershirt had a hood and low neckline with full sleeves. Finally she put on a bodice made of deep wine coloured suede edged with dark brown linen and tapestry accents. She took her dark leather gloves and slung her bow and quiver over her shoulder. Quietly she slipped out of her room and sneaked past the living area where she saw her father asleep in front of the hearth with a book on his lap. Without any noise she managed to leave their house and stepped out into the cold night of Winterfell. She inhaled deeply with a smile on her lips. Yes, that was exactly the time she loved for practising.

"You again," a drunk old man slurred as she passed by. "Young ladies should be asleep in the night. Or pleasure their husbands."

She faked a smile. "Too bad I don't have a husband."

"An iron maiden, huh?" he chuckled and gulped down some more of his wine.

"I don't know. Want to find out?" she quickly nocked an arrow and pointed the iron tip at him. "What an  _irony_ , don't you think?" she grinned cheekily as he waved her off.

The first arrow this night hit the upper corner of the target. Not her best shot, but the next hit closer to the center which left her quite satisfied again. Arrow after arrow soared through the air and hit the target over and over again until her arm felt weary. Finally, after an hour or two she stopped and collected her arrows again. She brushed the layer of sweat from her forehead and put her hood up to cover her long, blonde hair from the light drizzle that had just began to fall down to earth.

The drizzle soon turned to ice cold rain and she hurried along the alleys back home. And that was when she saw it. The raven. Black and with eyes like death himself. Her eyes dropped a little and spotted a small piece of parchment attached to its leg. This was no letter from Arik. Arik's letters had always been longer. Like in trance she approached the bird that was sitting on the windowsill of their kitchen window. It seemed her parents weren't up yet. She reached into her small satchel hanging at her hip and pulled out a few pieces of corn for the bird. While the raven picked the corn from her open hand, she carefully took the note from the bird's leg.

"Are those good or bad news?" she whispered and watched the raven, but of course the bird didn't respond anything but a loud caw. And with that it lifted back up into the air. Its deed was done. Aemilia hurried inside and sat down at the kitchen table. She lit the candle and unfolded the paper. Her eyes moved with each word she was reading; and with each word her heart sank more and more. And soon she wasn't even able to make out a word at all from the blur cause by the tears in her eyes. She shook her head lightly and brushed her nose with a handkerchief. "No—that's not true,"she whispered and read again.

"You are up so early?" her father entered the kitchen. She must have sat there longer than she expected. She looked up at him with teary wet and red eyes. He stepped closer and stroked over her head comfortingly. "What happened, my love?"

She sniffled quietly and handed him the note. Silently he read it. And silence was everything that followed until she looked up at him again. "Is that all you have to say, father? Nothing?"

"It was a matter of time. It is what they pledge. They will die at the Wall," he tossed the note back onto the table and began heating water for tea.

"He is your  _son_! Even now you're not able to show some emotion?"

"He stopped being my son when he stole and sold stolen goods. He brought shame over our family and I will never forgive that. Now he is dead and there is nothing I have to say. And you should forget about him, too."

She rose and crumpled the piece of paper up. "How dare you speak like that? This note does not say he is dead! He went missing! They assume he is dead! I will not sit idly by and wait for another raven to come. My brother lives and I will find him!"

"No, you won't. You are my daughter and as long as you live in  _my_  house you have to obey to  _my_  rules!"

She stepped closer and stopped right in front of him. "I will die if I must, but I will not give up on my brother. And if that means I have to leave you behind, I will do that. He was more a family to me than you or mother ever were. All you care about is the reputation of this family. You don't care how much I suffer from the loss of my older brother. You don't care that I am not some delicate lady whose only wish is to get a husband and bare him children. That is not me, father. It never was and it never will."

They held gaze for several moments but still her father remained silent. She huffed and turned away from him. "That's it then—I am leaving."

"And how do you think it will work out for you? At the Wall? As a pretty young girl?" her father asked spitefully. "Is that your wish? To get raped and abused by those criminals?"

"That is no longer your concern, father," she walked upstairs. Angrily she started packing her bags. As she stopped in front of her mirror, she realized that her father was right. She looked too much like a woman with that long, flowing mane of hers. She grabbed her dagger and sighed heavily. With a swift cut she shortened it a little. Still too long though. She continued working her hair until had two braids on her sides and quite a mohawk-style on top. This brought more accent to her rather thick, dark eyebrows. With the right clothing she would go through as a boy without any doubt. Finally she bandaged her breasts which were just a handful anyway and put on her dark leather and fur clothes.

It was late afternoon when she left her home. She went quickly to the stable and saddled her father's horse. She led the horse out of the stable and once she stepped out of Winterfell, she mounted. With one last glance back she spurred and left her former life behind.


	3. Castle Black

Days passed by and still the Kingsroad showed no sign of its end. And yet, Aemilia felt the changing weather as the days grew colder with each mile she headed on. Though the days were still quite fine, but the nights were terribly cold.

„You're a brave stallion," she patted the horse's neck softly and spurred him a little. She remembered one of her brother's first letters in which he had told her about the journey to Castle Black. Half a moon's turn did it last until they had finally arrived. First, the landscape would be spotted with patches of green and brown grass and some forests until the surrounding would change rapidly once she would pass the Long Lake which she was riding along for the past three days already. Soon, the ground would be covered by snow and ice and the mountains to her left would grow taller and more gloomy than they already were.

It was the twentieth day of her journey when she stopped on a snowy hill. Her mouth dropped open as she stared at the huge, massive Wall of ice lining the horizon. It was one of the most beautiful things she had ever seen in her life and yet it was intimidating and scary at the same time.

Her gaze followed the Wall and finally stopped as she spotted what looked like a small town. This must be Mole's Town, she thought and spurred her horse again. She had some coin on her so she could finally get a warm supper again after living of bread and hard cheese and stale water the past weeks. Even though this town was not far from Castle Black, Aemilia still needed a bit time to get used to her new role as a boy who'd like to join the Nights Watch. She still had to think of a good background story for her new self. She could not just go to the Lord Commander and tell him ‚Hey, I'd like to join because my brother went missing and I want to search for him'.

Soon she rode along the muddy road of Mole's Town, eyed suspiciously by the smallfolk. Not many travellers came to Mole's Town as it seemed and even though she was clad in black and grey and wore a dark hood over her head, she didn't seem to look like one of the Nights Watch either. She stopped her horse and looked around for any sign of a tavern.

„Excuse me-is there a tavern in this town?" she asked a man passing by dressed in rather shabby clothes. He eyed her for a second and huffed.

„Only tavern you find here is in the tunnels. Looking for some buried treasure, are ya?"

She had no idea what he was talking about and cleared her throat to keep her voice as low and manly as possible. „Buried treasure? What's that supposed to mean?"

He showed a toothy grin, if you could name that toothy at all with more than half his teeth missing, „The brothel, friend. Down in the cellars beneath the streets. You're not one of them Black Brothers, but ya seem to be on the way to join'em. First lesson learned-lookin' for treasure-come to Mole's Town in the night."

She nodded thoughtfully. „I'll keep that in mind then. Say, how far to Castle Black?"

„Half a league ´tis way," he pointed down the road.

Half a league separated her from the lion's den. And that was exactly what this place would be if any of those men there would find out that she's actually a girl. Just then she realized that fooling an old, drunken man was not that much of a problem. But would she be able to fool the men of the Nights Watch? Would they really think she's a man? She turned her horse and rode into the patch of forest nearby and dismounted. Her boots sank a bit into the muddy ground as she wandered back and forth. For more than half the day she practised her stance, her walk, her speech and her entire behaviour until she was certain that no one would suspect her to be a girl anymore. Dark clouds began casting their shadows over the earth and Aemilia knew it was time for her to finally reach Castle Black. With a heavy sigh she mounted again and rode on further north until finally the black gate appeared before her.

She stopped and waited for anyone to come and open the gate. Suddenly she spotted a black clad figure appearing on the parapet. After another second, the gate opened and she trotted through slowly. Once she entered the yard, she spotted several men and boys watching her curiously. Her heart beat fast in her chest as if it tried to escape at any moment. She dismounted and straightened a little.

„Where do I find the Lord Commander?" she called over at the group. One of them pointed at the building opposite of them. She nodded and walked up the flight of stairs and along the walkway until she stopped in front of a wooden door. Nervously she kneaded her hands before she knocked twice.

It took quite a few moments until the door finally opened and she stood before the man she immediately knew could only be the Lord Commander. He was tall, broad-shouldered with grey-white hair and a beard of the same color framing his face.

„And who are you?" he said gruffly.

„I-my name is Nuka. I came to join the Nights Watch," she said and looked up at him. She could feel he was suspicious and she was just about to turn and run away when he nodded and stepped aside. She cleared her throat and entered his solar which was a very warm welcome after the weeks on the road and constant cold. A fire flickered in the hearth and his desk was laden with scrolls and books.

„Sit down," he pointed at the chair in front of his desk. Aemilia sat down and watched him as he lowered behind his desk. He took a piece of parchment, his quill and began scribbling something. „Your name was Nuka?"

„Yes, Ser."

„I'm no Ser. You call me Lord Commander from now on," he didn't look up from the scroll and kept writing.

„Yes, Se-Lord Commander," she replied and began kneading her hands again, feeling more than nervous once more. This was official. This was the point of no return. From now on she would only be able to use her second name. Not Aemilia anymore. Just Nuka. For a split second she had thought about saying her last name as well, but that would have only caused more questions because her brother, Arik, had been known as Arik Westerberg. Finally the Lord Commander stopped writing.

„Near every man who comes here has committed crimes, but once you step into Castle Black and swore the oath, all your crimes will be forgotten and you start anew as a Brother of the Nights Watch. We are brothers and no matter if you have a family somewhere in Westeros, this place here is now your family. Is that clear?"

„Yes, Lord Commander. When do I swear the oath?"

He chuckled softly. „You are a recruit for now. You came voluntarily which means you can still leave whenever you want during the training. But once you said the vows you are bound to this place forever. If you think about leaving once you took the Black, you will be sentenced to death. So, I ask you again now: Are you certain you want to join the Nights Watch?"

No, she wasn't. But this was not about her. This was about her brother. And she would risk everything to bring him back. She looked at him with a determined glimmer in her amber eyes.

„I am ready to become a recruit and be trained to become a man of the Nights Watch, Lord Commander. I will give my life for the Watch."

„That's the spirit. Now leave me alone. You'll fine the sleeping quarters on the other side. Or just ask someone. Tomorrow you will start your training with our master-at-arms and the other recruits that just arrived early this morning."

She nodded and left his solar quickly and bumped into someone. The next she felt was hot wine on her shirt, burning her skin a little. „Ouh...look where you're going!" she snapped and looked up at the man and she felt as if his look could kill her right there.

He grabbed her by the collar of her shirt. „You're that new rat, aren't you? You better watch your steps next time or I'll burn you with more than just my spilled wine," he let go of her and she stumbled backwards crashing against the wall of the building.

For a second she was tempted to reply something vile as well, but she remained silent and watched him walk on and vanish in his room. She grumbled and walked across the yard towards the barracks. Most of her comrades were already asleep and she searched for an unoccupied bed. Once she found it, she quickly dressed in a new shirt and slid under the woolen blanket. Once her head touched the pillow she drifted off to sleep.


	4. First lesson

Aemilia had the feeling the night had just passed by in a second. Her bed was not the most comfy one, but the woolen blanket gave her quite some warmth and so she snuggled into it and sighed contently. Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder shaking her a bit.

"Mmmh—what?"she mumbled and opened her eyes slowly. "Just one more minute."

"One more minute and Ser Thorne will have your head for sure," the boy said with a smile. "Come, we are already late for breakfast."

"Who are you?" she asked and yawned as she sat up and stretched a little.

"Pyp. And you?"

"Ae—Nuka, my name is Nuka," she said and chastised herself silently for nearly giving away her first name. She rubbed her eyes and smiled weakly. "I arrived just last evening. I don't know how things work here, yet."

"You will learn quickly, don't worry. Hurry up now. I am risking my head for you here. The others already started taking wagers on whether you will get up in time or if Ser Thorne has to drag you out of your bed. He's not the man you want to be on bad terms with."

She huffed and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. "He can't be worse than the man I bumped into last night after leaving the Lord Commander's solar. Pressed me against the wall just because he spilled his hot wine—on _me."_

Pyp chuckled and patted her back. "Welcome to Castle Black then. I'll be waiting outside to check if the coast is clear. Get dressed and meet me then."

She nodded and watched him leave. Once the door was closed, she quickly got out of her sleeping shirt and put on the clothes that lay ready for her on the foot of her bed. She wondered who had put them there, and assumed it might have been Pyp as well. He seemed to be a friendly young man she might start following for a while to get used to this place and its customs and people. Once dressed in dark wool, fur and a leather breastplate she put on her leather boots and hurried outside into the fresh and cold morning air. A smile curled her lips and Pyp watched her for a second.

"Why are you smiling, Nuka?"

She looked at him. "I just love the fresh morning air. Back home it was my favorite thing to do."

"Breathing fresh air?" he said amused and pulled her with him away from the barracks and to the common hall.

"Well, not just breathing, of course. That's nothing special, I suppose," she said with the hint of a soft laughter. "I mean, getting up and using that time of the day to be alone for a while longer, watching life slowly filling the day."

"And yet you nearly missed breakfast," he said and opened the door of the hall which was rather empty already. He showed her where to get the food and once her bowl was filled with some kind of porridge and her mug filled with milk, they took a seat at a long table.

"Why did you come here?"she asked him after taking a spoonful of porridge.

"Stealing," he replied shortly.

"Something of high value?"

"No. Just a wheel of cheese for my sister," he said. "What about you?"

_Well fuck._

"I uhm—I tried to—seduce the daughter of Lord Stark,"she lied in an attempt to sound like a tough young man. "Sansa Stark. Pretty girl," she grinned.

He spit his drink. "Seduce or rape?"

"Seduce, of course. I'm not a rapist. She said no and I stepped away, but we were caught just then and everyone thought I wanted to rape her. Which is not true," the lies came easier than she had expected.

The sound of weapons clashing outside reached their ears and Pyp looked up. "Seems we should join the others now. Ser Thorne can be—"

"Very uncomfortable if we're late, I know, I know," she sighed and emptied her mug of milk. Together they left the common hall and walked across the yard which was covered with a thin layer of snow. Finally they reached the group of six other men standing in a semicircle.

"Now look who finally decided to join us," Alliser stepped towards her. Aemilia felt her knees grow weak a little, with horror she realized that he was the same man from the previous night. Now—that could be fun. "Tell us your name," he said harshly.

She straightened herself. "Nuka, Ser."

"And tell us, Nuka, have you ever fought with a sword?" he circled her slowly. "You're quite small. How old are you?"

 _"_ Twenty, Ser. And yes, I practised with a sword many times, though I am more fit in archery."

"I don't care what weapon you're fit in other than swords. Now go and get one from the armory,"he pointed at the building nearby.

She sighed and turned away from him. She took a blunt steel sword and flipped it in her hand thoughtfully. Her brother might have used one of these too when he was trained. Ser Thorne surely knew her brother, but she couldn't just ask him.

"What are you waiting for? You slept long enough. Now get your ass over here," Alliser bellowed. She winced lightly and hastily returned to the training yard. Her breath was steaming in the air as she stopped in front of him again.

"And now?" she asked uncertainly and looked up at him. He was at least one head taller than her, his onyx eyes piercing her amber ones.

"Now you will deflect as many swords as possible,"he stepped back and with a swift move of his hand he signaled the others to charge at her at once. Pyp seemed to hesitate, but feared the wrath of the master at arms too much. He was the first to attack her, lightly though, and Aemilia raised her sword just in time to deflect the blow. Clumsily she turned to do the same with the other one going down on her. She knew she had not a real chance against all of them. She tripped and fell on her knees, shielding her face with one arm and deflecting the blow of a sword with hers.

"Enough!" Alliser's voice cut through the air like Valyrian steel and the other recruits quickly stepped away from her. "You will train one on one for now,"he gestured at the other boys and approached her. "Get up," he growled and Aemilia staggered to her feet, panting lightly. "That was one lousy play. You never held a sword before."

"I did!" she protested with light anger ringing in her voice.

He stepped even closer, the black leather whispered with every move he made. "The truth now,"he said with a warning look.

It was the truth. She had practised with swords for a while back in Winterfell with her brother. The thing was that it was ten years ago. Ever since he had left for the Wall, she had stopped using a sword and continued with archery. That was something more to her liking and remembered her of the wonderful childhood she had with her brother teaching her. She sighed.

"No. I did for a while when I was a child. But not ever since—"

"And that's why you are weak," Thorne said with a mocking grin. "You know what happens to the Watch if we let weak people defend it?"

"Oh, come on, as if I am the only weak person here," she spat and immediately regretted it. If looks could kill, she might fall dead to the ground right there and then, but still she couldn't hold her tongue. "I mean—everyone has to start somewhere, right? I might be weak now, but I am here to learn. I am here to become a brother of the Nights Watch, to defend the Wall and the Seven Kingdoms from the Wildlings. And I might not be perfect with a sword now, but isn't that _your_ task to change? You are master at arms here. You are here to teach us how to defend ourselves and how to fight properly. But all you do is stand there and send six boys on one and expect it to be a lesson. But all I see is you having fun torturing the new recruits, because you seem to be a bitter old man!"

The yard fell silent as everyone nearby stopped and stared at the two of them. Her heart pounded rapidly in her chest as she saw a vein twitching on his forehead. He was not just upset. Not just angry. No, he seemed to hate her with every fibre of his body. Aemilia expected to be slapped, beaten down or spanked with his sword. The more it surprised her as he stepped back with a mocking grin.

"That will be all," he announced to all of them and looked back at her with a dangerous twinkle in his dark eyes. "I can only stomach so much ineptitude in any one day," he stepped closer again and hissed, "If the Others ever come for us, I pray they have archers, because you are fit for nothing more than arrow fodder."

Aemilia looked after him as he strode away to the common hall. Pyp stepped towards her and nudged her arm. "That was quite some brave thing to say. I'm surprised you're still standing in one piece."

"Believe me—I'm surprised, too," she mumbled and went to put the breastplate off and hung the sword back in its place. She knew this had just been the beginning. From now on, her sword lessons would be cruel and exhausting, but she would not give in. And if that meant she had to practise on her own in the nights to use her newly gained skills in the mornings, then she would do that without second thought.

"Hey, since you're new. Don't you want to see what's behind the Wall?" Pyp asked once they left the armory again. "We could take a little walk up there."

That was not a bad idea, actually. Knowing what it looked like behind the Wall might give her a better understanding of what her brother was going through right now. She nodded and followed him to the elevator. It took them a few moments until finally they reached the top of the Wall. Aemilia immediately felt a change in the weather. The normal coldness from down in the yard was nothing compared to the iciness up on the Wall. A harsh wind was tugging at their clothes as they stepped out of the elevator.

The sight before her knocked her breath out of her lungs. Snowcapped trees turned into a desert of pure white snow which lead to tall, almost threatening looking snowcapped mountains at the horizon. This was by far the most inhospitable place she had ever seen and while she stood there at the fireplace and stared out into the distance, her heart dropped more and more at the thought of Arik being somewhere out there. Alone. With no sense of direction, or—or maybe even captured by Wildlings. Tears filled her eyes. She blamed it on the icy wind as Pyp asked what was wrong. But there was just one thought that circled around her head and invaded her mind.

_Where are you, brother?_


End file.
